Separation anxiety is a common developmental stage that can take many parents by surprise. Around 9 months of age, babies often start showing signs of distress when separated from their primary caregiver. While this can be challenging, it’s also a positive sign that your baby is developing healthy emotional bonds and awareness of their environment.
Separation anxiety occurs when a baby becomes upset or anxious when a parent or caregiver leaves the room or is out of sight. At around 9 months, your baby is beginning to understand object permanence—the concept that people and objects exist even when they’re not visible. This realisation leads to the fear of being left alone or abandoned.
Question: “Is separation anxiety normal for a 9-month-old?”
Yes, it’s completely normal! Separation anxiety is a natural developmental milestone, indicating that your baby is forming strong attachments and starting to understand the world around them. In fact, 9-month-old babies are just beginning to develop the emotional and cognitive skills to realise that even though you’re out of sight, you’ll return soon.
Babies at this age are more aware of their surroundings and the people in their lives. When your caregiver leaves, they may not yet trust that you will return, which can lead to stress. According to a study published in the Journal of Child Development, separation anxiety peaks between 9 and 18 months of age and is closely linked to a child’s emotional and social development.
An interesting question: “What causes separation anxiety?”
Separation anxiety can be triggered by a variety of situations: starting daycare, a bedtime routine, or even leaving your baby with a trusted babysitter. The severity of separation anxiety varies from baby to baby and can be affected by changes in routine, fatigue, and illness.
Common signs of separation anxiety in 9-month-old babies include:
An interesting question: “How long does separation anxiety last?”
Separation anxiety usually begins between 6 and 9 months of age and peaks at 12 to 18 months of age. It ages and calms down as babies grow and learn that separations are only temporary. However, the duration varies and some babies may suffer more intensely or for longer than others.
Separation anxiety can be tough, but there are strategies you can use to help your baby feel more confident and make the transition smoother.
To help boost your baby’s confidence, start with short goodbyes: leave the room for a few minutes and come back with a smile. Gradually increase the time so your baby knows you’ll be coming back again and again.
Quick Tip: A game of peek-a-boo is a great way to give your baby the idea that you’ll come back even if you’re out of sight. It’s a fun and interactive way for your baby to learn how things last.
A consistent goodbye routine has a calming effect. Say goodbye with a smile, offer a favorite toy and discourage them from sneaking off. Consistency helps your baby understand that separation is a normal part of life and not something to fear.
Interesting question: “Is it better to sneak away to avoid the hustle and bustle?”
While it may seem easier in the short term, sneaking away can increase anxiety. If your baby feels like you could disappear at any moment, he may become more clingy or upset.
If possible, introduce your baby to new caregivers gradually. Invite them to spend time with you while you are still there. This lets your baby know he trusts the caregiver and helps him feel safe and comfortable with other people.
Quick tip: If you are leaving your baby with someone else, say goodbye calmly and confidently. Babies are sensitive to your emotions so remaining relaxed will help them feel safe and secure.
If your baby is upset, comfort him, but don’t show that you’re worried. Reassure him in a soothing voice and hold him to calm him. Overreacting can reinforce the impression that separation is a scary thing.
Babies thrive on routine. Having a regular schedule for naps, meals, and playtimes provides stability and reduces anxiety — separation will be less unpredictable and scary if your baby knows what to expect.
Separation anxiety can be difficult for both you and your baby, but it’s a sign of healthy emotional development. With patience, practice, and lots of love, your baby will gradually learn that separation is temporary and that he or she is safe without you.
With the right approach, you can help ease your baby’s fears and help him or her navigate this important developmental period with confidence.
-Ishita Jain
Child psychologist at Deep Connection
