If you’re the parent of a 2-year-old, you’ve probably experienced a tantrum or two (or ten!). Tantrums are common in toddlers, when emotions are running high and their ability to express them is still developing. While these outbursts can be difficult for parents, they’re also a sign that your toddler is learning to manage their emotions and the world around them.
Tantrums usually occur when a toddler is overwhelmed with emotions that they can’t fully understand or communicate. Frustration, fatigue, hunger, and a desire for independence can all trigger tantrums. A study published in the Journal of Pediatrics explains that tantrums peak between the ages of 18 months and 3 years, when toddlers are trying to assert their independence but don’t yet have the words to express their needs and feelings.
Interesting question: “Are tantrums normal in 2-year-olds?”
Yes, tantrums are a completely normal part of toddler development. In fact, they’re a sign that your child is learning how to control his or her emotions. Experts say that 50-80% of 2- to 3-year-olds have tantrums at least once a week.
There are several common triggers for toddler tantrums:
Interesting questions: “Why does my child throw tantrums over small things?”
Drinking from the wrong colour cup or not being able to wear pyjamas all day. But for toddlers, this is a key moment in which they are trying to gain control and independence in their world, and when they haven’t yet learned how to deal with emotions, small frustrations can become too much to bear.
Tantrums are linked to toddler brain development. At this age, the amygdala, the emotional part of the brain, is highly active, but the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for logical thinking and self-control, is still developing. This imbalance causes toddlers to feel strong emotions but have difficulty controlling them. A study published in the Journal of Developmental Psychology suggests that the brain’s self-regulation mechanisms begin to mature between the ages of 3 and 5, explaining why tantrums are so common during rebellious periods.
Tantrums are a normal part of development, but there are strategies to manage them and reduce stress for you and your child.
It’s natural to feel frustrated or embarrassed during a tantrum, but staying calm helps your toddler control his or her emotions. Reacting in frustration can escalate the situation. Instead, speak in a calm voice and acknowledge your child’s feelings, even if you disagree.
Quick tip: Take a deep breath and calm down before addressing your toddler’s behaviour. Your calmness helps your child to exert emotional control.
Young children are still learning how to express their emotions, so it’s helpful to verbalise their feelings. Saying something like, “I can see you’re upset because you wanted to play more,” validates their feelings and gives them words to use in future situations.
Interesting question: “Should I ignore the tantrum so I don’t reinforce bad behaviour?”
If a tantrum is an outburst to get attention, ignoring it can help. But it’s often more effective to acknowledge your child’s feelings without giving in to unreasonable demands. Your child will learn that even when their feelings are acknowledged, boundaries are still important.
Giving your child small choices can reduce the likelihood of a tantrum. For example, instead of saying, “It’s time to go,” give your toddler a choice – “Do you want to wear red shoes or blue shoes?” – will help them feel more in control and less frustrated.
Quick tip: Limit yourself to two or three choices. Too many options can be overwhelming and lead to further frustration.
If you know that certain situations are likely to cause tantrums, such as: B. Go shopping when your child is tired or hungry – plan ahead. Bring snacks and toys with you, or go when your toddler is well rested.
Routines provide structure and predictability, helping your toddler feel secure. Regular mealtimes, nap times, and bedtimes can reduce frustration and tantrums caused by fatigue or hunger.
Interesting question: “How does a routine help prevent tantrums?”
Toddlers are less surprised by changes and variations when they know what to expect. For example, having a consistent bedtime routine can help your child get to sleep without fuss.
Tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood, but if your child’s tantrums are severe, occur frequently, or continue past age 3, it may be time to see your paediatrician. Extreme tantrums may be a sign of underlying issues, such as: B. Language delay or sensory hypersensitivity.
Tantrums are part of the path to emotional maturity. You can help your toddler deal with big emotions by staying calm, offering choices, and following a routine. Though it may be difficult at the moment, every tantrum is an opportunity for your toddler to grow and learn to manage their emotions.
Patient and consistent strategies can help your toddler manage their emotions and reduce the intensity and frequency of tantrums over time.
-Ishita Jain
Child psychologist at Deep Connection
